Date: 17 May 2014
Location: Alexandria Park
Locomotiv (5) -V- Barnstoneworth (3)
Starting: Flanno, Joe, Chris, Fergs (AKA Eoin McLove*), Campbell, Marti, Mark, Sean, Wez, Dan, Marti.
Super Sub: Danny B
Apologies: Niall (Gandhi’s revenge-ate a mean curry!), big Stu (hoovering up those dollars over west) + others who just weren’t arsed.
So the scene was set right from Friday night when Wynton wrote the pre match words of motivation via the official Barnestone communication portal that is whatsapp, and I quote “Lads don’t forget about our game tomorrow morning. It’s an early kickoff, so don’t be having an all nighter on the booze”. Leading by example, Wynton made sure he was home by 7.45 am in the morning. This was confirmed with a sobering message before he hit the sack stating “large mocha for me also as I’m steaming still” (Michael Palin would have been proud of this true Barnestone spirit).
The game started off with Barnestone on the back foot and Flanno tested with a few long range shots in the first 15 minutes. Barnestone, certainly missing their usual team formation and feeling the pressure of being short a few players (and being half pissed), managed to contain Locomotive for the first 15 minutes; however, the resilience could only last so long and Barnestone were down 3-0 mid first half. There was a glimmer of hope just before half time when super sub Danny B pulled one back for Barnestone, leaving the score at 3-1.
After Barnestone conceded a free kick in the sceond half, another fine display of do as I say, not as I do came from another member of the Barnestone senior executive. The player in question explained to the referee, in his fully comprehendible liverpudlian accent, “Please referee, that was a very poor and irrational decision you have just made”. The ref must have had wax in his ears because he seemed to have heard “ref you’re a f****** T***”. The player in question was subsequently given a yellow card. After Locomotiv scored from the set piece, he then said to the ref please sir, can I have some more? And the ref must really have needed to get his ears syringed, as he thought he said “two f****** two goals you’ve cost us now you t*** “.
(Editors note – i really didn’t swear at the ref at all)
The second half saw a more motivated Barnestone, who certainly didn’t appear anyway defeated, clawing back a goal with a fine penalty from fergs (sounds like Daniel O’Donnell** doesn’t he?-did you hear he got a girl into trouble?………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..he told her mother she was smoking!). The second halfalso saw some quick feet by Super Sub Danny B, that left the score at 4-3 at one stage.
Barnestone held up well despite being a man down, however could not contain a final goal from Alexandria. The match ended 5-3 at Alexandria Park. The score certainly not reflecting the performance of both teams.
Man of the match: Dan Byrne for scoring two and looking like he was going to score later in the day as well[😉]
* Eoin McLove-Father Ted-Night of the living dead-Childish pop superstar Eoin McLove (a parody of Daniel O’Donnell), popular and beloved only by devoted middle-aged women (all of whom are similar in appearance and dress to Mrs Doyle) visits the Parochial House when Mrs. Doyle, implausibly, has her ode to Eoin read out on the show and thus wins the poetry competition.
** Daniel O’Donnell (born 12 December 1961) is an Irish singer, television presenter and philanthropist, and complete mummy’s boy witha soft spoken northern Irish accent-similar to fergs.