Match Report AA4 v Mascot Kings 29/06/14

Match: Mascot Kings 0 – BUFC 3rds 0.
Date and time: 11am on Sunday 29th June 2014.
Venue: L’Estrange Park.
Manager: Wynton Fictoor (any sign of Al Dowling making an appearance before the season end???).
Captain: Fergal Gallagher.
Self Appointed Vice-Captain: Niall Deegan.
Starting Team: Flanno, Bull, Joey, Joe (tears in his eyes as he realised this could be his last BUFC game), Fergs, Wes, Niall, Ewan, Sean, Marty, Dan H (still on the come-down from the night before).
Subs: Dan B.
Injured: Alex (sore hand from boxing walls due to rage due to ‘roids intake), Anders (sore brain from working too long and too hard), Chris (injured whilst a reconnaissance to QLD), Mark Canning (various STDs).
Playing AFL in WA: Stuart.

We were playing top of the table Kings at their home pitch with a reduced squad due to injuries. The odds were certainly against us but we proceeded to do what we do best – put in a serious shift when everything is against us. With Flanno again putting in a commanding performance between the sticks we were solid as a rock at the back. The midfield and strikers were linking up very well – having Ewan back brought a calmness to the middle third. We made some early inroads into the oppositions’s defence. Sean in particular putting in a stinging shot which unfortunately ricocheted off one of our players. He also had a legitimate penalty claim but manfully stayed on his feet rather than going to ground. Marty had a nice shot from outside the box that rolled past the post with the keeper beaten. A nice one-two from a corner between Joe and Ferg almost paid dividends with a rising shot over the bar from the Ferg-Meister-General. 0-0 at half-time.

The second half was hard yakka as Chris would say. Tighter than Joe’s wallet; there was little space to manoeuvre anywhere on the pitch. Our best change fell to the one and only: Danny B. Through on goal he lifted the ball over the advancing keeper but slid it past the post. He then raised his eyes to the sky and without any prompting he started to do the haka:

Ka mate, ka mate! ka ora! ka ora!
Ka mate! ka mate! ka ora! ka ora!
Tēnei te tangata pūhuruhuru
Nāna nei i tiki mai whakawhiti te rā
Ā, upane! ka upane!
Ā, upane, ka upane, whiti te ra!

Arms waving, legs spread, tongue hanging out of his mouth, eyes rolling in his head….auld Danny B gave it everything to scare the keeper from attempting to make another save. He finished his adopted country’s war dance by giving the keeper the slit the throat gesture. Alas, it was all too little too late. The ref blew the full-time whistle from the resulting goal-kick. 0-0 at full-time.

Man of the Match: Joe Adams – won every header, held the line with authority and bullied the opposition’s strike-force.

Comic highlight: Not only is this the comic highlight of the match but it is also the comic highlight of the season. Ferg won a free 30 yards out on the left-hand side. Joey O’Shocks was running forward into the box, but he stopped and asked: “Do you want me to smash it like, Fergs?” Fergs replied: “Aye, go on then”. Joey put his size 11 through the ball and watched it sail 25 yards over the bar. Think of the John Smith’s Have It television advert for some visualisation:

Honourable mention: Seany – was unlucky not to score with a powerful drive and an unawarded penalty claim in the first half. Also, this was Wes’ best game of the year – worked his socks off on the left wing.