AA8 v UNSW 09/06/13

It was a lovely afternoon in the Eastern suburbs as the team ventured out to the bad-lands of somewhere just past Kingsford for the 3pm kick off.   The kick off time seems to be designed for a team of chronic alcoholics and recreational drug addicts, such as B’worth and for it we give thanks to ESFA.

So it seems for once everyone is (relatively) sober and ready for the game, on entering the ground there is a big sign saying no smoking, no drinking alcohol, no spitting, no swearing etc.  It might just save them space if they take a photo of Billy and put a line through it and then put it up, just a thought for the council.

Cupboard was a bit bare for the game today, Foxy felt the pull of mother England and has wasted his holiday for the year with a boring trip back to Tescos and shit weather.  Danny is still out after some cosmetic surgery on his teeth, obviously trying to keep that million (Zimbabwean) dollar smile that all Englishman are renowned for, Couple more out and only two on the bench.

Once again UNSW have a young team, with a fair amount of little blokes from somewhere just past Papua New Guinea.  They kopped a towelling earlier on in the season, but as we all know from the late 80s with Oldham, Luton and QPR, teams are a different proposition on their home, and I use the word lightly, turf.

Game started off relatively slowly and not really much happened, few attacks by B’worth and not much else from the opposition, bruiser got his obligatory bad tackle out of the way in the opening few minutes, gained a yellow card and managed to leave a few layers of skin and half his patella embedded in the pitch.

B’Worth scored first, ball in the box, Niall headed it across goal to Andy(?), who gave it back, so Niall though he might as well stick it in the net, 1-0, good finish (eventually).

Not much else happened in the first half, should have been more goals, plenty of chances went begging, UNSW managed to capitalise on a defensive mix up and snatch a goal.   Cross came in from the right, several calls were shouted from around 3-4 different people all making as much sense as the Bulgarian Eurovision song contest entry, Bruiser and Marcel left it for each other and the little forward appeared out of his Viet Cong tunnel and headed it past the giant Dutchman.  The defender probably should have just headed it out, maybe marcel should have come, the end result was a goal and all square at half time.

Half time came and if the council ranger was there he probably could have thrown the whole team, plus entourage out for breaking all the previously mentioned rules about smoking and swearing etc.

Daz and Numpty came on in the second half to add a bit more to the team and once again the game started off with the lads in red all over Uni, like cheap perfume on a French hooker.   Andy was seeing a lot of the ball and showing us all his magic, with jinks, turns, fancy foot play and other superhero moves.  Unfortunately for this superman stallion it was like the goalie had some kryptonite in his pocket, as every time he approached goal all these skills seemed to disappear andshot after shot went high and wide, really peppering the plants, tress and shrubbery up the back of the goal and by halfway through the second half there was Greenpeace hippies encamped up there trying to protect what remained from further wayward shooting.

One bystander was heard to comment that all that time spent with lady-boys has left the stallion not sure what to do with a wide open box.

Ref gave away ridiculous penalty to Uni, very poor decision and he knew it too, even the player that won the penalty apologised.   Penalty scored, 2-1 to uni, much undeserved lead, but still plenty of time left to remedy the situation.

Rab was starting to niggle a few players on either team and his elbows were flying, catching the aforementioned penalty winner nicely in the eye.  Somehow a fight erupted between the skipper and little Dooley, Darren took offence to something Rab had said??  This commentator wonders how anyone can understand what Rab has to say, as his language seems to be a hybrid of Swahili and Hebrew, but they made up in the end.  One more scrap of note on the right side of the pitch resulted in a ten man scuffle, all handbags and shouting, the ref really was struggling to control the game in the second half and things were almost getting out of hand.

A few minutes left and cometh the hour cometh the man, Houston had been running around all day with a solid performance and banged in TWO goals, one after another in the final few minutes to give the mighty boys from Randwick a deserved win, cementing his MVP performance and highlighting to the forwards how it should be done.  Ronan did try and claim the second goal as he reckoned it came off his leg hair, but nobody gave him the time of day and a Houston double it remained.

Game ended and another 3 points after a poor performance from the team for the second game in a row.  The points can paper over the cracks for now, but the team needs to step it up in the coming weeks.