The Clash of the Titans


A story written by Phil Mitchell

Barcelona v Real Madrid. Manchester City v Manchester United. Dunbar v Barnstoneworth.

Teams such as these are mentioned alongside words such as “Quality” and “Majestic”, often when clashing we have some of the great football matches of modern era.

This weekend two of Sydney’s stalwarts of Eastern Suburbs Division 1 league went head to head in a tie that both sides needed to pick up points.

Barnstomworth, currently in 4th, must win to ensure a title charge late in the season. 

Dunbar are numero uno.

Yet you’d think the Barney players thought they were turning up for a kickabout in their combined attire, bar one, left back Sam Ellis certainly turned up for the game as he he looked what can only be described as ‘reem’.

After settling down and get out all the banter, Barnestoneworth set about a detailed warm up knowing they were in for a tough test.

The crowd was growing. Finn, big John and Eddy were bouyant after stealing from the rich and giving to the poor and Ian Boot could be heard bellowing “F*** The Pope."

We were in for a big one.

The game started in a tense cagey affair with neither side gaining a foothold. Then, all of a sudden, Scotty Diplock produced a slight tackle only his grandmother would be proud of. 

Step in Kevin ‘Gaffo’ Gaffney. Like a bloodthirsty shark he closed down the angle, saving the shot in the process and collecting. 

A sigh of relief.

With the game progressing Barnstoneworth grew into it and began to create themselves. Yet top goal scorer Charlie (can’t spell his stupid second name) managed to miss the target on every occasion.

“You effing James Blunt” shrieked Charlie. You’re not wrong pal.

Both sides battled into Half-time with the tie still goalless. 

Barney needed a leader, a team talk reminiscent of Gareth Southgate (Hero). Chris Moore the stage is yours.

“I thought we done alright. I’ve nothing else to add.”

 Tears were flowing.

The second half kicked off and Barney went for it, throwing everything they had and much to their joy they found the striking blow.

Merv’s silky feet get him out of a tighter position than Jay Ellison’s wallet and he fires towards goal, a strike in which Brad Friedel couldn’t hold and 'Big Ben' Fowler was on hand with the rebound.

1-0. Jubilation.

Knowing they were on for an onslaught, Barney retreated and defended stoutly. 

From outta nowhere! An RKO to Barnsetoneworth hearts. 

Dunbar equalise as they work the ball well down the left, scrambling the ball into the box and finally put threw his own net by Joe ‘Richard Dunne’ Peters.

Could they bring themselves back into the game? Was it going to be all Dunbar? Could that mean the title gone?

Quite the contrary. It was the boys in red and white that looked the most like scoring late in the game with Chris, Charlie and maybe someone else I can’t remember going close.

And the sound no fans wanted to hear happened. The final whistle.

A blow to Barney's title chances but they still have grand ambitions of not only making the grand final, but winning the whole thing.

Mic Drop.

Man of the Match: Jay